Seriously, you're much too kind.
So, being that I'm
a stupid reporter for a quasi-idiotic web page that isn't even working
right now, could you possibly relieve my everlasting ignorance on
Seriously, you shouldn't beat yourself up about being a fucking idiot.
Divestiture is the 1984 breakup of the Bell System. AT&T and the Federal
Government agreed that AT&T would break off it's Regional Bell Operating
Regional Bell Operating Companies? What are those?
Those were the Bell Companies, referred to as “Baby Bells”, like Michigan
Bell, Pacific Bell, Illinois Bell, et cetera. They were the local parts of
AT&T, like the bits of the inside of the hot dog that you chew off one at
Mmm. Hot dogs sound good.
So, as you see, most of the meat to the AT&T system was divided off into
separate companies. It's like trying to eat the meat and all the other stuff
in a hot dog separately. It's a mess.
Christopher Walken: AT&T, as we know it today, got to keep the
other parts of the system—like “long lines”, as they were called, known as
AT&T long distance. That's like the delicious casing of the hot dog, what
links the meat all together. Bell Laboratories are like the butcher whose
great idea it was to pack all that delicious meat and other goodies into a
hot dog. And then, we have Western Electric, which made all those phones and
other equipment—they're like the hot dog buns and hot dog machines and hot
dog vendors—they bring it all to you.
All this talk of hot dogs is making me hungry. Do you have any?
Why, I most certainly do, my good man. Hot dogs are the world's most
versatile food, I say...
This is delicious. So, why did the government break AT&T up?
Well, like those bastard directors who seem to have an unreasonable problem
with me eating hot dogs when I get that craving...the government has been
after AT&T ever since it took basic monopoly control over the phone
system in the country.
How did AT&T get to become a monopoly?
Long story short, the government allowed AT&T to just deliver basic phone
service. Even though Bell Labs came up with lots of technology that had
nothing to do with the phone system, the government in their hawkish times
made AT&T basically give away those patents to competitors. They made
them do other things—but basically, if they provided consistent phone service
at reasonable prices, the government left them alone.
Why all the hub-ub, then?
There were other little fights, but the big one that ended it all involved
that little piss-ant phone company MCI. Do you hate them as much as I do?
Yes, they are truly worthy of disdain. Why do you allow them to exist?
My favorite hot dog maker likes them. There are only two kinds of people you
don't mess with in this world—me and my hot dog maker. I've heard the ODB
tends to be one you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.
What about the Rock, who co-starred with you in “The Rundown”?
He's a scholar and a gentleman. However, I could bring him down like a
Compton bitch with a bullet through my kneecap and both hands died behind my
You are truly a badass, Mr. Walken.
I know. Anyway, as I was saying, MCI tried to break into the long distance
market. Long story short, AT&T wouldn't let them—and MCI won. The
government started hemming and hawing at AT&T, finally, wisely, they gave
in and cut a deal. Anyway, I have to go...
You are the greatest actor ever, Mr. Walken.
You're really too kind. My publicist will send you the transcript.
B-B-But that's my tape reee [CLICK]